Did you get a bunch of testicles this weekend?

Naturally, by testicles we refer to orkhis aka orchids. The marvellous flowering plant’s name, orchid, is derived from the Greek word, orkhis, meaning testicles. Why you may ask?


Well, the first time we hear of this intriguing plant in the western hemisphere is around 300 BC. Theophrastus, some say the Father of Botany, was a student of the Peripatetic school in Greece and published a study, "Inquiry into Plants", where he mentions the orchid and its phallic presents. Fun fact, many of the plants for Theophrastus studies are a product of samples sent by botanists partaking in Alexander the Great’s military campaigns. Regardless, Theophrastus was actually not fascinated by the plant itself, but more so of its underground tubers, or the plants downstairs department. Actually, Mr. T believed the tubers resembled men’s downstairs department, so much so, he named the plant, orkhids, testicles or man plums.


Theophrastus is no lay man, he is a student and the successor of Aristotle. Aristotle, actually gives him the nickname “Tyrtamus”, which is Greek for “godly phrased”. We definitely see why, as one does not need to spend much time with an orchid before being reminded to check one’s gonads.


Aristotle, actually had a few thoughts on testis himself, believing one produces men and the other women, but that’s another story for another time.


Tyrtamus, was not alone with his fascination and sexual vision of the orchid. Today, there are more than 20,000 species and the plant has been studied widely and even great biologist such as Charles Darwin found a profound interest in the beauteous botanical wonder.

In the Victorian age, orchids were a rare commodity and if you were gifted with the flower, it symbolises love and passion towards the receiver – much like balls do today. The Greeks were so obsessed with the sexual powers of orchids that they believed, if the man ate an orchid’s tubers the couple would conceive a boy and if the women did, a girl. Also, forget splashing out on a myriad of oysters on your first date. Instead, crush some orchids into your food (or on top of the oysters) as the Chinese have done for centuries. The Chinese believe them to have an aphrodisiacs effect.


Conclusively, everyone from Darwin to Victorian age kings and queens to Chinese couples love testicles/orchids and so should you. Happy valentines to you and the balls in your life.


Touch yourself,

Hands In Your Pants



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